Eating

So, I've had some interest in what I've been eating and how much of it I've been eating. So I figured I'd give you an example of a day of food.

Breakfast:
1 5 oz container of Dannon Light 'n' Fit Greek Yogurt. I like the peach, blueberry, and strawberry so I rotate between the three flavors.

Lunch: 
1 TBS of hummus
5 multi-grain crackers
1/4 cup edamame (shelled)
3 slices of Deli Thin Sliced turkey lunch meat
(It takes me over a half an hour to eat this and I normally can't finish it.)

Dinner:
2-3 oz of boneless skinless chicken breast
1 - 2 TBS of a vegetable

Snack:
A Think Thin Peanut Butter Crunch Protein bar

This is about 600 calories give or take a few depending on if I was able to finish all the food at each meal.

Week 5 -- Recovering

So, it's been 5 weeks since my surgery.

My scars are pretty much healed and I can lay on my stomach without too much discomfort. Bonus, I can roll over at night without any pain at all. Every once in awhile the kids catch me just right in the gut and it hurts but mostly I forget the scars are even there. 

I'm still on the same diet (come on, you knew I was going to talk about food) and will be until November 21st at which point I'm hoping to be able to reintroduce salads into my life. I miss them. I will also be able to try red meat as well. I can't tell you how tired I am of chicken. I eat a lot of chicken. Well, I guess I should rephrase that. I try to eat a lot of chicken. It's weird. I'm able to eat an entire 5 oz cup of Greek yogurt but I struggle with a couple ounces of chicken. So I'm still trying to figure out how to get upwards to 900 calories in my diet without the protein supplements. I think I might try hummus... that has protein in it, right? Eggs are still the bane of my existence. I haven't found a way that I actually like them so I pretty much just eat a Greek yogurt every morning for breakfast. Here's hoping I don't get tired of yogurt anytime soon.

I've gotten sick a few times -- something which is not pleasant by any stretch of the imagination. A couple times from eating too fast so now I try never to let myself get that hungry and once or twice from eating something too spicy which gives me sad face because I like spicy food. 

Something weird about life after surgery (that I hopes goes away) is when I eat or drink my middle back hurts. I'm not sure why that is but I'll feel fine -- no back pain -- I eat or drink and all the sudden my back is killing me. Weird, right?

Oh I guess I should mention that I've lost 49lbs so far and I've dropped 3 pants sizes. (like how I just slipped that in there with little fanfare when really I'm whooping and dancing around in joy)

and...

Things I Still Miss:
Chugging. I've always like chugging drinks now I have to be a dainty drinker. It drives me nuts.
Eating. I put the tiniest of portions on a tiny plate and I still can't finish them.
IB Profen. I'm guessing this will ALWAYS be on the list
Salads. I desperately want a ginormous salad.

Things That Are Better:
Smaller Sizes. I had to buy a new pair of PJ bottoms because my other ones were literally falling off of  me.
Energy. I feel better and am able to keep up with my kids and do things I was missing out on before.
Self Esteem. Having friends you haven't seen for awhile hang out of their car as they drive past you walking and tell you how fabulous you're looking.

Week 3 -- food, Food, FOOD!

I CAN EAT!!!!

Okay, so I can only eat "soft foods" but you'd be amazed at how much that opens up. And more importantly -- I CAN CHEW MY FOOD!!! 

No, I'm not excited at all. Can't you tell?

Soft foods also includes toast and crackers but not bread. Of course, me being me, I had to ask my dietitian why not. Basically, for whatever reason, bread, even though it's soft, lands like a rock in bariatric bi-pass tummies and causes a lot of pain and puking for most people and since my fabulous fun filled day of puking over the stupid vitamins I'm not willing to test the theory. But crackers are DELICIOUS. 

I still eat ridiculously small amounts and I still need to drink the protein shake and protein powered chocolate pudding (hardships, really. Mmm mmm chocolate) to supplement my protein intake.

I tried an over medium cooked egg, thinking because of the runny yolks it would be soft and I liked them alright before the surgery. It was gross and to top it off before I could even eat half of it the nasty thing was cold which made it even more nasty. So there's another thing I liked before but hate now. I still miss my Vanilla English Toffee Iced Coffee. Haz sad face.

So the next morning I tried scrambled eggs, something I wasn't terribly fond of before, but it was pretty good. So I can eat one scrambled egg and half of a 5.3 oz greek yogurt for breakfast.

For lunch I make open faced cracker sandwiches -- 3 crackers and about 1.5 oz of chicken lunch meat.

For dinner: I made a cheesy ranch mashed cauliflower. Tastes like potatoes and is better for you. I can eat three TBS of that and then 1 dinosaur chicken and I'm stuffed.

It takes me about a half an hour to eat those small amounts for each meal. So, I've made it a point to eat stuff I don't mind becoming room temp or make it crazy hot so it's still warm when I finish. 

I went to my 2 week follow up appointment on the 23rd. The doc was really impressed with my progress and says I'm having a better than text book recovery and everything is looking really great. She gave me a pass on all the vitamins I have to take for a month and then made my day telling me I don't have to take all the ones that they normally prescribe because that's for the pouch and I have a sleeve. So I left a happy camper. 

I've also been cleared for some exercise which I'm super happy about. I can do anything that works out or tones my arms, shoulders, butt, and legs (doctors words) but nothing to do with my stomach. Unfortunately this includes my deep water aerobics class for another month which is a total bummer as that's my favorite exercise to do. But I'll endeavor to survive.

I got on my elliptical last night for 18 minutes and did fine. I could've gone longer but the Husband had taken the kids out to ride scooters and skateboards and as I watched all the fun they were having I decided to join in with them and ran around the courtyard pushing little kids around on their scooters. Hey, that's exercise too.

Things I still miss:
Chugging water. I barely drink 40 - 50 oz a day when before I could guzzle 100 oz.
Water aerobics
Laying on the floor -- stomach is still sore
Rolling over without hurting -- same as above
IB Profen (something of which I will never be able to take again)
Vanilla English Toffee Iced Coffee (which hopefully I will develop a taste for again)
Salad. I desperately want roughage!

But all in all the list of missing stuff doesn't outweigh the list of benefits having this surgery is going to afford me most of which is BEING HEALTHY!

Bariatric Best Friends

My blender. It has gotten more use in the last two weeks than it has since I bought it. I mix pudding and puree soup. And since that's all I can eat (until tomorrow) you can imagine how much it gets used.

4 oz. canning jars are seriously wonderful. I make my pudding and pureed soups and then portion them out in the canning jars. I know I can eat one in a sitting, they stay fresher longer, and they're in a cute little container sized just for me.

Protein powder. I'm sure you're not surprised to know how amazingly hard it is to get enough protein and other nutrients (as well as calories) when all you can eat is yogurt, pudding, and soup. I have "Syntrax Nectar Sweets Chocolate Truffle" protein powder and it is soooo chocolately delicious. I mix it in the pudding and with milk to make sure, that while I can't hit 1200 calories yet, I can hit my 60 - 70 grams of protein I'm supposed to ingest a day. I also got some non flavored protein on the way so I can add it to soups and other food to help with my protein consumption.

Baby spoons. I have to take the tiniest of bites to make sure I don't overfill my stomach. I haven't had the need of forks yet as everything I can eat is a soquid, so I don't know if I like baby forks. But the spoons we got for Sassypants when she first started eating are the spoons I use at every meal. They help make sure my bites are small which is a good thing, even if it does take me 30 minutes to eat 4 oz of food.

Ice Breakers Sugar Free Wintergreen Mints. I have yuck mouth. I have yuck mouth all the time -- no matter how much I brush my teeth, no matter how much I use mouthwash, no matter what. I keep a container of mints with me at all times to help fight off yuck mouth. I even pop one in the middle of the night when I wake up and my mouth is so gross I can't fall right back to sleep. I'm assured by everyone who has had the surgery that it goes away. They can't tell me when, but they all swear that it does. I'm counting down the days because it's seriously gross.

Chewable Vitamins and Chewable Calcium. I tried taking the bevy of vitamins I'm supposed to take for the rest of my life and it made me throw up. And that was unpleasant to say the least. So hello chewables. There are liquids too but I can't drink them. I have an aversion to syrup medicines to the severity that I'd rather be in pain than take the liquid pain killer. *Shivers* Yuck. 

Life After Surgery -- First Two Weeks

So I did it. I am now the proud owner of a gastric sleeve where my stomach used to be. I even had pictures of the happy event (unfortunately I forgot them at the hospital).

It wasn't at all what I expected it to be. 

I've had three c-sections. I thought the gastric bi-pass would have nothing on them. I've had my gallbladder removed. I figured this surgery would be more like that. 

Wrong.

I was up and running a few days after having my gallbladder removed. I was up and running a few days after I had my c-sections (now that could be because I had baby induced euphoria and new mommy syndrome and cute baby face distractions). I was knocked on my ass by the stomach surgery. 4ft asked me on the Friday after I had the surgery done if I was going to die, that's how hard it was.

First of all, anesthesia and I do NOT get along. I wake up sick and wishing I was dead after. But the worst part was the pain medicine. I had some horrible medicine called Dulotin (I probably spelled it WAY wrong) and it made me throw up every single time I took it. They tried giving me anti-nausea medicines several different kinds, stacked one on top of the other, and still every single time I took the pain meds I puked my guts out. So I refused to take them. If I was going to hurt, I was going to hurt without puking. I regretted having it done. 

Day 2 started clear liquids. Broths, water, and sugar free jello. The first day of that I maybe ingested 20 oz of liquid the entire day. I was on clear liquids for one week. All I can say to that is yuck, yuck, yuck. My tastebuds so radically changed that I had to choke down the broths. My poor husband kept trying to find one I could tolerate. We just gave up and I lived off of sugar free jello for that week. I think I ate 3 of the little cups total, that week. I focused a lot on trying to be able to drink.

Drinking. I love water. I used to drink like 100 oz a day of water. I cannot drink it now. Some of my support group friends say that it took them a couple months to do water again and not to fret I'll probably be able to stomach it again. I surely hope so. I miss it. Instead I've found Sobe 0 calorie Lifewater that are pretty good and Sugar Free Berry Propel and I drink about 40 oz a day now.

After the first week, I was able to do pureed soups, yogurt, sugar free pudding, and protein shakes. I'm doing much better on that diet. I can eat about 4 oz. at one time. Campbell's Chunky Split Pea Soup pureed so it's smooth is really good and has like a gravy consistency. My mom makes an awesome Tomato Bisque that I love a lot. I drink a half of a protein shake and then at night stir protein into the pudding. My caloric intake is ridiculous at about 550 calories but I'm getting close to 70 grams of protein which is where I need to be. Eventually when my diet restrictions are removed I'll supposedly be able to get up to 1200 calories. I don't see how unless I eat a bag of M&M's but we'll see. 

 I still hurt. It takes an enormous amount of willpower to not eat what my family eats. It's pretty much the consequences of eating it that stops me. If I drink too fast I throw up (which I found out yesterday trying to take all the vitamins I'm supposed to take), so I'm going to try and NEVER do that again. My tastes have changed and the decaf iced coffee with protein that I used to love was undrinkable. I'm an emotional roller coaster which directly correlates with how I'm feeling that day. My husband says I make the process look effortless but I have good days and bad. I'm exhausted all the time (which could be because of the 500 calories deal). I can't wait until I'm allowed to exercise. I could definitely use the endorphins. 

The bright side: I'm losing about a pound a day (that will slow down when I'm able to increase my caloric intake with more solid foods) and I'm going to be healthy. I will have the arsenal I'll need to fight against the auto-immune disease if ever it decides to rear it's ugly head. Eventually I will have the energy to do all the things I want to do and the diet restrictions aren't forever. Why, on Wednesday I get to have scrambled eggs *SQUEE* (and I don't even really like eggs), mashed vegetables, soft proteins like lunch meat, some fish, and possibly some moist chicken, and soft cheeses. And all restrictions will be gone by the time Thanksgiving comes around.

I still have mixed feelings about the surgery. From what I've seen, a lot of people do at this stage. Most people feel that way about it until about 3-4 months out when they get used to the lifestyle, have stopped mourning their old ones, and have shed a bunch of weight.

I'll get there.

Pass the Knife

Well, I did it. 

I've lost the 25lbs (and then some) I needed to lose in order to have the gastric bypass surgery. My preop appointment is TOMORROW and I get surgerized (Yeah, I made that word up, what of it?) on Wednesday, October 9th. 

I'm seriously excited.

I was originally going to get the Roux-En-Y bypass which is where they make your stomach from a football sized pouch to the size of an egg sized pouch. But come to find out, due to the auto-immune disease medical stuff wrong with me, I have to have the Gastric Sleeve so they are able to treat my other conditions with medications that could be toxic to a patient with the Roux-En-Y bypass. So basically they're going to slice away most of the stomach and make it one long tube from esophagus to intestines with no pouch for your stomach. I think, I'm glad for it, because this way they don't have to reroute any intestines like they do for the other bypass so I'm hoping, I'll recover faster and have less complications. It's definitely less invasive. 

In other news:

Sassy doesn't need a ladder to climb onto the top bunk of the boys' bed. She is like She-ra and just does a massive pull up on the top bar until she's up and over. So at every opportunity (when I'm not looking -- you know bathroom breaks, food prep, Grumpers' pull-up change) I find her on the top bunk with a smile a mile wide and her giggling and waving at me. I'm hoping she doesn't get any, "I can fly" or "gravity won't affect me" ideas and dives off the top.

4ft has started choir and I can't wait until he sings tune after tune that he's learned over and over and over. When can he start band? Because that way I can listen to that too! (Yeah, and that wasn't sarcasm -- the kid talks nonstop, singing or horrible instrument playing would be a nice change)

Grumpers still insists that he will only ever wear pull-ups and that big boy underwear are just a passing fad. I remain hopeful that he won't go to college wearing Diego decorated pull-ups but am going to buy stock in the company just in case. 

Chocolate Penance

After a month and a half of controlling my emotional eating urges I completely caved last night. I had a pisser of an afternoon yesterday and it was either kill someone or eat the two two-bite candy bars I found on my desk. In retrospect someone should've just died instead but it is what it is. Then I hid the wrappers like I'd committed a crime and swore myself to secrecy or someone was going to get hurt.

I had no intentions of telling anyone what I'd done...

Then I thought, "Eff that! It was four bites of chocolate not a all-out binge fest at a chocolate fountain with swimming involved. I mean seriously." So as soon as the Husband walked in the door I told on myself. I ate four bites of chocolate. To which his response was, "Um.. okay?"

So instead of drowning in a shame spiral, I manned up. I ate that chocolate. What was I going to do about it? Penance. I got on the eliptical for 10 minutes while the kids were in the bath. Five minutes for each mini candy bar. After I got off the machine I felt empowered. Four bites of chocolate wasn't going to kill me, derail me, or turn me into a pumpkin. 

I got on the scale this morning and I'd lost another pound. So take that candy bars.

The biggest pisser of the whole thing was: I was so mad, I horked that chocolate down and I barely tasted it. Such a waste.

It's Official

This morning, I dropped 4ft off and the other two kids and I went to Kaiser so I could do my official weigh in. We got there at 8:30 and apparently they don't start working until 9. So the receptionist said she'd go ahead and register me but she couldn't make any promises as to when they'd see me. I figured if the kids got obnoxious they'd probably see me all the sooner so I agreed to wait and we had a seat in the lobby.

The kids were so good. They each got a clipboard and pen with paper and drew while we waited. In retrospect I should've taken a picture but hey it was early and I was just ecstatic that they were being so well-behaved. Fifteen minutes later they called me back and I weighed in. It's official per Kaiser's evil scale I have hit my goal weight. Now I'm just waiting to get a call from the Bariatric Coordinator to schedule my EKG appointment and surgery date. I'm nervous as well as excited. In other news: Grumpers is 34lbs. He had to jump on the scale too.

To celebrate I took the kids to McDonalds -- them for being so good, me for hitting my goal weight. I celebrated with a Diet Coke. I know, I know, I'm supposed to give up soda completely and for the most part I have been when I treat myself it's with one of those. Better that then like a cake, right? The kids split a cinnamon melt, a hashbrown, and some chocolate milk. So total win for everyone.

Meal Planning and Food Porn

One of the things I find most helpful for sticking to any eating plan is to figure out what you're going to eat the following week, making a grocery list, and then (in a perfect world) STICKING TO IT!!! I however have three children and a husband so invariably things end up in the cart that I never put on the list. But that's them. Not me. I stick to the list. Always. Mostly. Okay, I'm just as guilty!

Some of the fun of meal planning is surfing food porn to get ideas of different stuff to eat. Because, another helpful tip to sticking to an eating plan is variety. If you're always eating the same ol' thing. You're going to go INSANE, black out, and wake up covered in the tattered remains of an eating orgy. No one wants that.

So I have been food experimenting and it has been a lot of fun. And this week is no different. I'm excited to try making low carb:

Coconut Shrimp with dipping sauce
Chile Verde Chicken Enchilada 
Chicken Alfredo w/ "Zoodles"

I don't know if I've mentioned this already, but I hit my surgical goal weight. I go in Tuesday morning to do the official hospital scale check-in. From there I have to get and EKG and a surgery date. But I'm super happy that I've lost 25lbs since July 15th.

In other news: 

I went to "Back to School" Night at 4ft's school. Yeah, I had to schedule a one on one meeting with his teacher. Apparently, 4ft is a talker. Who knew, right? And he was the only one that had to change his color to yellow yesterday, which is a warning. So I get the fun of going and trying to come up with a "Silence 4ft Plan" with his teacher to help him be more successful with the closing of the mouth motion. When approached with the need to work on not talking so much he told me, "This is going to be the hardest skill I will EVER master." He also added, "Maybe we should just stick tape to my mouth." I told him, "I don't think there is a strong enough tape out there to keep that mouth closed." "Duct tape, mom. Everyone knows that fixes everything."

My kid. Is. Awesome. 

And So It Begins...

The busy hectic crazy life of having 2 little ones at home and one in school. It doesn't help that every morning it's a battle with Grumpers to get him dressed and out the door to take 4ft to school. It's an orchestra of "No thank you's", "I want to stay home", "I don't like it", and general whining. But since I'm the adult and he's only three, I win and he is dressed, shoed, and out the door at the appointed time. I however am a frazzled mess that is being driven into an early grave. (Gray hair is the new black, right?)

We started up Cub Scouts again last night. I'm now the Bear Den Leader (I still can't believe they put me in charge. Clearly it was desperation.) and it was a lot of fun to see the boys after the summer break. We even got a new cub and he was really sweet and a lot of fun. So I spent a big portion of yesterday getting my Bear Den Binder ready (yes I really am a big ol' nerd) with meeting plans, and excel sheets for checking off achievements and electives. 

I had a serious "pat your back" moment yesterday. I had to go to the bank after dropping 4ft off at school and I vacillated between driving so I could just drop and bank and home or walking to and from school, loading kids in the van, and then going to the bank. I chose to walk. Yay me. I made a pact with myself that we would walk to and from school everyday unless it was raining -- I don't want anyone getting sick after all. 

The walking on top of eating no more than 20 carbs a day (and they only come from fruits and veggies) is really paying off. I'm ONE pound away from my goal weight. So I've lost 24lbs since mid July which is a 7.8% weight loss. Go me. 

So far (knock on wood), I haven't been craving anything. I make a sour cream yogurt when I just don't think I could stomach another egg (I'm pretty sure some days I bawk like a chicken). I have single servings of sugar-free lime cheesecake when I need to feed a sweets need. And you'd be amazed how zucchini and cauliflower can fill a pizza, mashed potato, or noodle need. You can also make zucchini chips which fill a crunch need when you don't want to munch on pork rinds.

Fabulous. Sassypants has stacked 7 cans of coke like blocks and they fell over and one exploded. Hooray. (yes that was sarcasm). Now I'm off to wash a baby and clean a kitchen floor.

Discovery Kingdom Trip

On Monday we planned to take the kids to Discovery Kingdom for the last big hurrah before school started. So, after forcing Grumpers out the door (he didn't want to leave, he was playing trains) and into the car and after driving the hour (some of which was during commuter time), we pulled up to the gates in Vallejo and it was CLOSED. Apparently August 19th was the first day of Fall hours to where they are only open on the weekend. I wished I'd have gotten that memo before driving all the way there and breaking three kids' hearts and then having to turn around and drive all the way home. So instead of a fun-filled coaster-riding animal-watching day, we had McD's for lunch (at least the family did -- I ate at home) and I took 4ft swimming for a couple hours. 

In other news, I'm excited to say I'm five pounds away from my surgery goal weight!!!

The Thief

Sassy has a problem. She cannot walk by a pair of shoes or clothes without wanting to put them on. Doesn't matter if they're hers or not. Doesn't matter if they belong to her brothers or not. She doesn't even care if they belong to someone we know. Seriously, they don't even have to be clean. 

And shoe cubbies everywhere aren't safe when she's around.

Today, I was changing Grumpers' Pull-up (Yeah, he's never going to be potty trained. I just hold on to the idea that no kid ever went to college wearing a diaper so he too shall figure it out at some time...hopefully) and when I had finished clean up duty on Grumpers' butt, I reached for his shorts next to me but they weren't there. When I couldn't find them, I looked around for Sassy and didn't see her either. I found her in my room, behind my bed, wearing Grumpers' shorts over her clothes. She must've ever so slyly snuck by, snagged Grumpers' shorts and sprinted into the other room. 

To fully accessorize her ensemble, she also had on one pink sandal, one of 4ft's sneakers, and was putting one of my sports bras on her head. 

Unfortunately, by the time I got the camera, she had removed all the evidence so there would be no record to blackmail her with later. She's too smart for my own good. 

This was after her bath. She insisted (at the top of her lungs) that she still needed Grumpers' shorts on!

Pizza Casserole FTW!

I had to immortalize this for-EV-ER because it was seriously delicious. Three layers of cheese, pepperoni, mushrooms, onions, garlic, and peppers. I might not have been able to pick it up and eat it like a slice of pizza but it sure tasted like one! 

Not bad for a back up plan.

I had meant to make a cauliflower pizza crust to put my toppings on so I could have pizza night with my kids and not cheat on my low-carb lifestyle. However, in a fit of forgetfulness last night, I ate the cauliflower I was saving to do so with. With sad face, I figured I was going to sit through the smells, sounds, and sights of pizza night while I ate scrambled eggs or something. Well, okay, it probably wasn't as dire as all that but it didn't sound nearly as appetizing as PIZZA!

I started rummaging through my almost empty crisper (shopping day is tomorrow) and found a wayward half of zucchini that had manage to survive the "zoodle" carnage. It would not live to do another day. One of my favorite food bloggers, Marye Audet-White (from RestlessChipotle.com and LowCarb-ology.com fame -- to name a few) made a lasagna out of zucchini and I thought why couldn't I make pizza casserole out of it instead? 

So I did!

Ingredients

9 thin slices of zucchini

1/2 cup shredded Mozzarella Cheese

9 slices of pepperoni

1/4 cup diced onions

1/4 cup sliced mushrooms

1 tsp minced garlic

3 TBS ranch dressing (I don't like red sauce on pizza so use whatever sauce you like)

add peppers to taste

Directions

1.) steam zucchini until slightly tender

2.) saute the onions, mushrooms, and garlic with a pinch of salt until mostly cooked and really tender

3.) in a dish w/sides (otherwise the cheese is going to ooze everywhere) -- put down three slices of zucchini, 1 TBS ranch, 1/3 of the cheese, 3 pepperoni, and 1/3 of the onion-mushroom mixture. Rinse. Lather. Repeat three more times. Top it with the peppers.

4.) cover with plastic wrap and microwave 2-3 minutes until hot, bubbly, and everything is delicious looking.

5.) let it cool for a couple minutes and then slide it out of the bowl onto a plate and devour! (... or just eat it out of the dish to save clean up after.)

The 4ft Has Landed

So 4ft finally decided to come home -- or you know, his Uncle and Aunt brought him home from Oregon on Saturday. The little ones were so happy to see him that they tackled him in hugs and slobbery kisses. So back to bedlam of three kids and the noise levels are back to what I'm used to so I can tune them out better. The quiet was deafening, I swear! LOL And what did we do to celebrate his homecoming? Clean house. Sunday is chore day. Hey, it's not my fault he didn't come home Friday to party with us on Saturday which is errand-running and shopping day. LOL

I tried some new recipes this week that turned out really good:
Spicy Chicken Fried "Rice"
No Bake Caramel (Maple -- because I didn't have caramel) Pecan Cheesecake -- I already spammed FB with pictures of these. LOL

This week on the menu is:
Pizza's (I'm either going to make mine on zucchini rounds or make cauliflower pizza crust)
Chicken Pad Thai (because yeah, it was seriously amazing)
Taco Casserole (instead of chips I'm going to use pork rinds)
-- I'll post pictures next week.

I have 8 more pounds to lose before I've hit my surgery goal (I've lost 16 lbs since July 14th). And then it's maintaining (and hopefully losing more) while I wait my turn on the waiting list.

Did You Know...

...that talking fast can be a sign of a manic personality?

I know this because the food shrink I talked to today told me I talked way fast and she was a little concerned about it. I assured her, I'm just a speed talker and the more I have to say the faster I say it to keep up with my brain. She looked skeptical but could find no other indicators of that particular problem and deemed that, okay I was just a high revved motor mouth.

Who knew, right?

Shut up, all of you!

Other than that, I've been deemed fairly food healthy and that not only have I implemented the changes that I have to do for the Bariatric surgery that I have in fact embraced them cognitively and that she has no doubt that I will succeed with the surgery and a long-term maintained weight loss.

Yay.

18 and life you got it...

So, yes, I have "18 and Life" by Skid Row stuck in my head this morning. It's better than having Meatloaf's, "I Would Do Anything For Love" which was the case the other morning. But then ANYTHING is better than that -- even like the "Macarena" or "Tom's Diner", you know? Great, now I have that stuck in my head. Thank you ear worm, thank you ever so much.

I've lost 14 lbs now which is cool. I only have 10 more to go. I meet with the food shrinks tomorrow morning to make sure I'm not a complete whack job. Lucky for me, I'm a great actress!

I am still loving "zoodles" and how versatile they are. I'm also really getting into using cauliflower as rice. There's a Spicy Chicken Fried Rice that I'm going to try out soon that looks absolutely delicious and Marye, the author of the blog, hasn't steered me wrong yet! So far I'm not missing the breads, pastas, and potatoes. I'm not missing the desserts either. But then, it helps that there is a "Fried Apple" recipe using zucchini that is amazing and really does taste like apples and a couple times a week I make an "egg crepe"* and fill it with fresh strawberries and a fresh whipped cream

4ft is in Oregon and I'm missing him terribly. Every night he calls to say goodnight and tell me what he's done that day. The first night he was gone he called me to tell me about having pie for dessert, the second day he called to say that he was good on the drive and he'd played on the beach , the third day it was he had french toast and climbed a tree, and the next was he'd had cookie dough ice cream. Thankfully his Uncle Josh gets on the phone after him and fills in with the trip to the lighthouse, swimming in the hot tub, and all the playing and running around he's doing. Grumpers and The Terror miss him terribly and walk around the house looking for him. We all can't wait til Saturday when he comes home. It's too quiet without his motormouth constantly running.

Egg Crepe

Ingredients:
2 eggs
1/4 cup heavy cream
1 TBS Splenda
1 tsp cinnamon extract
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 tsp butter extract

Directions:
1.) beat all the ingredients together in a bowl until well mixed
2.) heavily spray large nonstick frying pan (I use a 12 inch) with cooking spray and turn on low
3.) pour mixture and make sure it covers bottom of pan and then cover with a lid.
4.) when almost done carefully flip the egg to get a cooked finish on the other side
5.) slide onto a plate and fill with 1/2 cup quartered strawberries (I add a little Splenda to get them juicier), roll up, and cover with fresh whipped cream or you can use a canned as well.

"Zoodles" FTW

I made Pad Thai with "zoodles" on Monday for dinner. It was seriously delicious. I am ridiculously excited about the idea of zucchini noodles and am already planning to use them for spaghetti and lasagna and anything else I can think of. It was so good, and it was even better the next day for lunch. 

On Tuesday, the husband took the day off, and we packed up the kids and went to Discovery Kingdom. We got season passes last year for my birthday and we've used the heck out of them -- definitely got our money's worth out of them. It's perfect for us because 4ft and Husband like the rides and the Terror and Grumpers loves the animals. Although the little ones have a couple rides they love:

Yep, that's a photo booth outside of the train ride. It was their second favorite "ride" at the park. Those two kids played in there for a half an hour before I could convince them they wanted to go see the Sharks for the 5th time. Which is their favorite ride. What is it about kids and conveyor belts, I wonder?

Here are my adorable munchkins outside of the Walrus habitat. At least one of them was looking at the camera. That's pretty good for us. Normally they all look away in opposite directions or start running out of the shot (which you can see is what the Terror is trying to do). 

A Journey

I have struggled with my weight my entire life. I cannot remember a time I wasn't "chunky" "fluffy" "healthy" or any other term to describe being overweight. If I had a nickel for every time I was told I had such a pretty face and a great personality it was just too damn bad about the rest of my body, I'd be rich. Seriously. Rich. 

Thankfully, I found a man who loved the whole of me: my pretty face, my personality, AND my body. We've been married for almost 11 years and have three beautiful children but still I struggle with my weight. Constantly. Endlessly. The difference now is that I'm not striving toward a body to match my face, I just want to be healthy for my family.

Until recently, I'd been lucky not to have my extra pounds adversely effect my health which is not the case anymore (can I get health scare for 500 please?) and it's time I do something about it. So I'm in the process of getting Bariatric surgery. I've gone to the orientations, the classes, the nutrition courses, talked to a surgeon and now I have to lose 20 lbs and have a psych evaluation before I'm put on the surgical waiting list.

This was a hard decision to make and I had to really come to terms with the idea of "cheating" of taking the easy way out. What am I a quitter? Some kind of wuss? That's not really how it is. Not really. I still have to do all the work. It's only a tool to help me get to where I need to be not a free ticket or a get out of fat free card. I've gone to a couple support groups of people who have had the surgery and there were those that had lost the weight and then gained it all back and had to start over. 

I've lost 5lbs already by eating like I'll have to after the surgery. Eating my protein first, then veggies, then fruit, and if I'm still hungry the pastas, potatoes, and breads. By the time I'm done with the first three I don't have any of the last because I'm full. I guess I'm basically low-carbing it. 

Why would I still do the surgery if I can do it on my own? I need the accountability. If I screw up and eat wrong after the surgery there will be consequences. I can lose the weight. I've shown time and time again I can lose the weight. I've lost 130lbs once but it's the keeping it off I struggle with. I need the accountability. I need the consequences.

So this is my journey to gain freedom from food. It will be so liberating to not beat myself up or bargain with myself to eat what I can no longer have comfortably.

Tuesday 4: Operation Cake Bake

I am up to my elbows in cake ingredients. I've made 4 9-inch rounds, 5 batches of chocolate fondant, 2 batches of Oreo truffle filling, and I'm getting ready to cook the sugar for the Italian Meringue Butter Cream frosting. My husband thinks I'm insane and a few of my friends do too but I can't help it. My first baby turned 8 years old and he asked for a Beyblade cake. This Beyblade as a cake.

So I'm going to try and get as close as I can in cake to this. Wish me luck. I'm going to need it.

Tuesday 3: One Down, Two To Go...

Happy 3rd Birthday, Grumpers!

January is THE month. Since the kids' birthdays are so close together -- Grumpers (13th), 4ft (20th), and Sassy (23rd) -- we got my family together for one big shindig to celebrate last Sunday. Since Grumpers doesn't eat anything, 4ft picked the menu and made sure we had something that each kid liked -- French fries for Grumpers, Mac n Cheese for Sassy, and BBQ ribs for 4ft. Not necessarily the healthiest lunch but it was sure delicious and the kids loved it and that's what's important.

I didn't make a cake because Grumpers doesn't really eat cake. He likes ice cream though so we all went to Baskin Robbins. They had Reese's Peanut Butter Cup ice cream. It was delicious. I'm super proud to say that while I wanted to go back for a second scoop. I didn't. I stuck with the one I got (but I really really wanted to go back for another one).

4ft's birthday is next Sunday. We'll probably take the boy child out for lunch but that's about it. He's having a ginormous extravagant (see expensive) birthday party on the 23rd and he opted for his actual day to be played down for the ginormous extravagant (see expensive) birthday party. For that party I will be making a cake. I will actually be making two cakes. Because we're having his ginormous extravagant (did I mention see expensive -- no I'm not bitter about the highway robbery birthday party places get away with) party on Sassy's birthday. And she needs a "I'm turning 1 so I can shove my face in the cake" cake.

I haven't finalized an idea for her cake yet. I'll probably do a "block" cake with her name spelled out on the sides because 4ft's cake is going to be a huge undertaking.

4ft wants a Beyblade cake. A Draco Beyblade to be exact, as of right now it's his favorite. I'm fully expecting to have a last minute change to the design but a kid only turns 8 once right? So it's going to be layers of chocolate cake, oreo truffle, and italian buttercream, covered in chocolate candy fondant and shaped like a Beyblade. I'm pretty excited to make it. I like playing in cake. It's fun.

It's really cold in my house. I think I'm going to go crank up the heater so I can then be complaining about how hot it is. See you next Tuesday.

Tuesday 2: Holiday Gluttony Be Gone

I always swear during the holidays I'm going to make healthier choices and avoid the chocolates and cookies and cakes and pies (oh my!) but I NEVER DO! And while I didn't get the weight gain I get some years -- I do believe those years coincide with being pregnant, just sayin' -- I still gained some and completely derailed the healthy choices train.

So instead of pancakes for breakfast, I've been having oatmeal. Okay, you got me, 4ft is back in school I don't have time to make a big pancake breakfast and get three kids ready to take one kid to school. But I could've had Fruit Loops and I didn't. Okay -- I don't like Fruit Loops. So really it was oatmeal or oatmeal but that was a conscious choice on my part to make sure I don't have any sugary "kid" cereals in my cupboard that I DO like. So see, go me! 

January is a lame month to do year resolutions. I get that it's the first month of the year but really, besides my birthday on the first -- which always derails the resolution train -- I have three more birthdays to get through and three more cakes to make and then try not to hork down my own body weight of them. I heart cake. It's like the perfect food. That and bacon. Is there any wonder why I'm always struggling with my weight? 

In other news: I found a great donut recipe. I love trying to make new things and I've never made doughnuts. And really, they're like cake, fried cake so kind of like bacon (yeah that's stretching it) so it's time to start practicing my watch word. MODERATION! *screams like Pee Wee Herman's Playhouse* Because I'm making homemade doughnuts this weekend. Probably on Sunday so what we don't eat for breakfast the husband can take to work Monday and I won't have to hear their siren's call drowning out the sensible song of oatmeal. 

Tuesday 1: Happy Birthday!

Today is my birthday. Happy Birthday to me *singing*

So far today I've:

got to sleep in til a whopping 6:30. But to be fair the husband and children would've let me sleep longer, I'm sure, but I was awake and couldn't go back to sleep. So why not get a dog pile of children on me when the husband noticed I was laying in bed awake.

had Happy Birthday sung to me on the phone by my mom and moaned at me by my dad. Apparently someone, not mentioning any names *cough*Dad*cough* hit the champagne a little harder than he should've last night. I was super sympathetic and told him, "When you play you have to pay." Aren't I an awesome daughter?

made breakfast for the family. 4ft wanted Cream of Wheat so I made it for us, poured a bowl of cereal for the husband and Grumpers, and cut up a banana for Sassypants. So easy breakfast -- yay -- and I didn't even have to clean the kitchen afterward -- even bigger YAY!

made the batter for my birthday cake. I'm doing a buttermilk vanilla layer cake with oreo truffle filling and Italian buttercream frosting. I may or may not pipe a design on it, depends on how frisky I'm feeling when I'm putting it together.

broke not one but TWO dishes. One I did one handed the other I looked at funny I guess because I didn't even touch that one. I broke one of my favorite Pyrex casserole dishes trying to get another bowl out of it with only one hand. I didn't feel like putting my book down. The other dish -- one of my chocolate warmer pots -- leaped from the dish drainer in a kamikaze dive that would've made any suicide bomber proud and snapped the handle clear off.

took a shower. (how's that for seriously news worthy?)

and am now writing this.

What else am I going to do today? I have no idea. But according to my husband since it's my day I have to be the one to decide what it's going to be. I hate decisions.