You Might Have a Two-Year-Old If...

Your child plucks every kleenex out of the box while you're in the bathroom for two minutes, surprising you with a mountain of tissues when you come out.


Your child takes a ball point pen and draws on the majority of the kitchen linoleum while you're changing his baby sister's diaper.


Your child is sitting in the middle of the kitchen table sorting through your craft bin in the time it took you to put the laundry from the washer into the dryer just around the corner.


Your child takes EVERY. SINGLE. THING. out of the silverware drawer and shoves it into all the other drawers around the kitchen while you're brushing your teeth.


Your child climbs into his sister's highchair and proceeds to spill his entire cup of chocolate milk all over him and the chair while trying to contort to fit in the chair and get to his sister's toys at the same time while you're getting his baby sister out of her crib.


Your child races to his sister's bouncer and climbs into it when he notices you are getting ready to put his baby sister in it.


Your child brings you your tube of Chapstick and asks for some. You apply it to his lips and he tries to take a big bite out of it. (We're not talking the flavored kind either.)


Your child insists on taking every movie box off the shelf and setting them up as an obstacle course to walk on no matter how many times you tell him no.


Your child piles pillows up on the floor in front of the couch and then flings his body off the couch onto them the minute you leave the room to do something so you have to come running back in at the sound of the loud THUD. (I'm sure our downstairs neighbors love it when he does it too.)


Your child refuses to eat anything. Period.


Your child goes out onto the balcony and starts throwing all the balls down and when you tell him no, close the screen, and go downstairs to get them, he opens the screen and beans you with one in the head by "accident". (I still maintain the little weasel did it on purpose.)


Your child doesn't do ANYTHING you say until you count to 2. (He's learned to NEVER let me get to 3)


This has just been my last two days. I wonder what tricks the Grumpybutt has up his sleeve today.