Almond Protein Shortcakes

Strawberry Shortcake has to be my most favoritest dessert on the planet. Galaxy even. I pretty much don't say no to any dessert really (life is about moderation after all so yeah, I still eat dessert on occasion, just instead of a portion the size of my head, I eat only a couple bites) but shortcake is my absolute favorite. Come on now, drool with me. Doesn't this look so splendiferous? I promise it tastes BETTER than it looks. No really, it does! And even better you can throw any fruit filling that you want if strawberries aren't your thing (if they aren't, I'm totally giving you a "you're so weird" look but pretend you don't see it). Peach, lemon curd, blackberries, raspberries, blueberries, cinnamon apple, cinnamon pears, only your imagination is the limit.

Growing up, my family ate Strawberry Shortcake with the berries smashed to a bloody pulp and mixed with equal (my Papa was a diabetic) poured onto the store bought shortcake cups, drowned in Half & Half, and topped with whipped cream. I'm pretty sure we drowned the cakes in Half & Half to make them less rubbery and really we put so much berry pulp and whipped cream on them you could have held the cake and we probably wouldn't have noticed. They looked disgusting as it was a melty smooshy hot mess but it was splendiferously wonderful and I was always heartbroken when my bowl was empty -- which was too soon because I horked it down so fast.

However, since my surgery, if I'm eating baked goods it's going to be goods I've baked. That way I can control the amounts of fat, protein, sugar, and healthiness of them. Because while I believe life is moderation and there is room for dessert, why not try and make it somewhat good for you too if you can do so without sacrificing on the flavor? Exactly. There's no reason not too.

I've pretty much given up all-purpose flour when I bake. Not because I'm allergic to gluten or have an intolerance or that I don't like it but because the healthy aspect of almond, coconut, and oat flours is so high and with higher grams of protein why wouldn't I switch? I like to mix them up for different textures, light versus dense, and of course I always add in at least one scoop of protein powder. When you can only have a handful of bites you need all the protein punch you can get.

And do they get the Picky Eaters' Seal of Approval. Yes they do! Two thumbs and a big toe up. Way up. Neither the husband nor 4ft (Grumpers and Bear want nothing to do with this dessert. Strawberries, bleh -- they really are sick and twisted kids) had any idea how healthy these were for them and both of them loved them. They're requested again and again... and that's just fine by me because if I could, I'd eat them all in one sitting. They're that good.

Pumpkin Oat Bread

I wish computers had smell-o-vision because you'd be loving the smell right now. A rich spicy pumpkin has permeated my kitchen (which is where my computer is at so I'm loving it) from these pumpkin loaves of wonderful. They're so moist (tell me I'm not the only one that snickers at the word "moist") and full of spicy pumpkin flavor. I can't believe how good they are. I wish I could gobble up a whole loaf (so it's probably a good thing I can't). I know you're licking the screen, don't worry, I won't tell anyone -- just watch the slobber, yeah?

I started experimenting with pumpkin because my BBFF, Gini Koch, loves pumpkin bread and I owe her a birthday present (plus 4ft also killed the rest of the banana bread so I needed another bread for breakfasts). So I started with the banana bread base recipe I came up with the other day (which was amazing) and then tore it apart and put it back together with more pumpkin-y type flavors. The results were equally amazing. I don't have experiment wins all the time but when I do, they're splendiferous, truly.

4ft can't decide which bread he likes more so I'd better wrap up a loaf of it for Gini before he eats it all -- as cute as 4ft is, I don't know if he's cute enough to save us from her wrath if she doesn't get some.

Asparagus Fries

I live near Stockton, and every year they have an asparagus festival (it's a big deal 'round these parts) and every year I go just for their deep-fried asparagus. If you've never had it, you're really missing out. It's seriously nom-a-licious
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Sorry, I was having a moment. Where was I? Oh yeah, asparagus. 

Since my surgery, I struggle sometimes with things that are heavy in oil or have too much breading (which is a good thing I guess -- helps me behave) so I thought why not try something along the lines of the zucchini fries since they were such a big hit, but with asparagus instead (as I was feeling nostalgic for deep-fried asparagus). 

Asparagus is another veggie that 4ft swears he hates and refuses to eat. I've recently come to the conclusion that if I bread it, call it "fries", and give him ketchup for dipping, he'll eat ANYTHING! He inhaled these, doing a little butt shake (not making this up), and making happy noises. He happily had seconds. It was amazing. And while they're not deep fried asparagus (because, really, what is?), they are really delicious and a lot better for you too.

Turkish Pizza - Lahmacun

I've never been out of the country. Okay, I lie, kinda. I was conceived in Germany but my mom came back to the states when she was like 6ish months pregnant so I don't know as if you can really count being a fetus in Germany as being out of the country (she might've visited Italy around that time too, but I don't think that counts either). So to make up for the lack in my world travels, I like to try food from other countries, or as close to them as I can get with my picky eaters. 

Welcome to Turkey and Lahmacun (Turkish Pizza). Well sorta. I cheated and used extra thin corn tortillas as the base for this delicious ground beef dish instead of a crispy flat bread mostly because I knew my stomach could handle the corn tortilla and I wasn't sure about the traditional bread (I still struggle with bread). It's also supposed to be a spicy dish with cayenne pepper and crushed red peppers but as I'm a pansy mouth these days with pansy mouthed kids I morphed the recipe to fit our taste (and tummy) needs. So I'm not sure how much like true Lahmacun it is, as I've never been to Turkey nor eaten at a Turkish restaurant, but it was seriously delicious and those who eat in my family ate it with little piggy snorting noises. So that's enough like it for me.

I was surprised by how much 4ft liked it as it's filled with tomatoes, onions, and sweet peppers (all of which 4ft swears he hates -- so once again I performed magic, according to him). I figured my husband would like it because it's basically a salsa, sans jalapeno and nasty cilantro, mixed together with ground beef and spices. Top it with a squeeze of lemon, some light sour cream, and shredded lettuce and it's a complete meal. I ate the entire thing and had zero tummy problems over it.

Protein Pancakes

Another pancake/waffle recipe? Really? Yes, really. So hush you. 

I still can't eat eggs. I do not like them in a box or with a fox. I do not like them here or there. I do not like them anywhere. (Okay, I think you get the idea.) And after getting my hand smacked by my doctor about relying too heavily on protein shakes for breakfast (oh how I miss my protein mocha decaf coffee), I have to figure out breakfast ideas that are high in protein and low in egg flavor. I also know a lot of people who don't like or are allergic to bananas (a main staple in protein pancakes/waffles) and while I'm not one of them (I heart bananas), I do occasionally run out, so I decided to experiment with pancakes that don't use them.

I really liked how the batter turned out. A lot of the low flour/high protein pancake batter is really thin and runny, but this one was thick and didn't slop all over the pan when I cooked them. I was able to cook four at a time which was pretty cool and meant we got to eat sooner. I'm not sure how it'd work in a waffle iron -- maybe if you added a little soy milk to the batter to thin it out some so it would spread to fill the waffle grids. Mental note: try that. (This is where we all laugh that I'll remember to actually do it)

4ft declared them delicious and I'd have to say I agree. I topped mine with fresh sliced strawberries and didn't need to use syrup at all. 4ft drowned his in maple, of course, because that kid doesn't like strawberries (I'm seriously not sure how he came out of me. How can you not like strawberries? But then how can you not like bananas either?) As for the Littles (Grumpers and Bear), they won't eat pancakes or waffles (not sure how they're mine either, come to think of it) so they wouldn't come near them with a 3ft pole. 

Banana Oat Bread

I had bananas dying a slow death in my fruit basket (but really the second they don't have a tinge of green to the skin, they're too ripe for me to eat plain so I guess they weren't dying by most people's standards) and 4ft wanted to bake something with me so I thought I'd experiment with making a higher protein, healthier banana bread. (insert evil scientist laugh here)

The experiment was a success. 4ft declared this the best banana bread ever and I'd have to agree with him. The banana flavor is intense and the bread is moist, not too sweet, and with just the right density. (if you're looking for super-sweet cake-like banana bread, this is not the recipe for you) The secret to the deep banana flavor is baking the bananas, sweating them, so you can cook down the banana juice which naturally sweetens the bread without adding a lot of sugar and really bumps up the banana flavor. There are a few more steps to making this bread than other recipes, but trust me it's worth the extra effort.

This bread smells amazing while baking and you're going to want to cut into the loaf and start horking it down immediately. Don't do it. Trust me on this. Fresh from the oven, this bread is meh. It's not gross but it's not "oh my gosh this is the most incredible bread ever" either. I know this from experience. I tried it and my heart broke a little. How could something that smells so good taste so meh? I let it cool, remembering that banana bread always tastes better room temp, and tried it again. Holy Banana-moly (new word, yay) I did a little dance and devoured the rest of the piece. So, learn from my mistake -- let it get to room temp, and your taste buds will be blown away. Resist the smell's sirens call and let it cool before eating. You can do it. I have faith.

Garlic Hasselback Potatoes

This is the greatest baked potato EVER! The best part about doing baked potatoes this way is that all the flavor isn't just on the skin -- it's on the inside too. We normally load up a baked potato with butter and sour cream at the very least (sometimes we get fancy and do cheese, bacon, and chives), but these we ate straight from the oven without any additions. They were that good. 4ft especially loved that he could pull them apart and eat them with his fingers (I did too, I love playing with my food and any excuse to do so is awesome).

I don't eat a lot of potatoes because hello starch and carbs and not a lot of protein but if I'm going to eat one, it's this way. Its a definite healthier alternative than loading a baked potato with all the fixings. 

Zucchini Fries

4ft hates zucchini (what's wrong with that kid, I mean really? zucchini is delicious) and he refuses to eat it because, "It's the grossest stuff on earth, Mom." Sometimes I wonder how that kid came out of me. Anyways...

Every once in awhile I like to screw with my kid (because I'm an awesome mom) and take something he swears he hates and disguise it. Then I masterfully trick him to eat it. Me: Try this. Him: Okay. Me: Well? Him: It's delicious. See how masterfully done that was?

So, I did that with zucchini. I cut them the size of McDonalds-sized fries (because is there really a more perfect french fry anywhere?) and baked them up til they were golden brown. The kid loves ketchup, so I gave him ketchup for dipping (ranch is also seriously nom-a-licious to dip in as well) and gave him a stack of "fries". He ate one, made yummy face -- shocked big eyes and big smile (why he always does the surprise face, I don't know. I rarely ever feed him something he doesn't like) and then with piggy snorts inhaled the rest of his, Grumpers' (who couldn't be tricked -- the only fries to eat are McDonalds and how dare I suggest otherwise), and Bear's because she couldn't be bothered to come to the table. Then he tried to steal MINE!

I cackled evilly and told him he just horked down zucchini. Again with the surprised look and then he asked me if I was magic because only someone with powerful magic could make zucchini taste good. I told him I was and he better watch out. "For what? You going to turn me into delicious food?" I don't know where he got his smart mouth *cough*his dad*cough* (and for those of you who immediately thought me, watch out! I've got powerful magic!)

Rosemary Pork Chops

My husband has been pretty easy going about me trying out all these new fangle healthy type recipes on him. So I promised him I'd make him a manly meal of fried pork chops. What I neglected to mention was that I healthied (is that a word? it is now.) it up some. He had no idea that I experimented on him yet again (insert evil scientist laugh here) and he loved these pork chops. They had a crunchy outside and juicy delicious meat on the inside. They didn't need gravy, or ketchup, or barbecue sauce. As a matter of fact, 4ft tried a bite with ketchup (my children put ketchup on EVERYTHING) and declared it better without it.

They were really that fantastic. Yeah they're fried, but really everyone needs a little fat in their life and if the oil is hot when you put the chops in the pan, and you drain them on paper towels after, you'd be amazed how much oil is left in the pan and on the towel and NOT pooled on your plate. I wouldn't eat fried food every night but healthy living is not about going without but instead having it in moderation.

Mongolian Pork

I desperately wanted Chinese food yesterday. I love the stuff soooo much but as many of my readers already know the rest of the family hates it. What really drives me crazy is that whenever I make Asian inspired dishes they inhale it and rave about how wonderful it is. How does that work? I mean, really? I try not to think about it too hard because I don't want my brain to explode. I'm pretty sure it will. 

So back to the food. I really wanted Chinese but I'd gotten a pork roast out for dinner. The closer it got to dinner the more I didn't want to eat a roast. Mongolian beef sounded soooo much better. However I didn't thaw out beef. You see the conundrum, right? If shrimp dishes can be made with chicken then why can't beef dishes be made with pork? Can I get an amen? Thus Mongolian pork was born.

The husband had no idea he was eating pork. He thought he was eating Mongolian beef. How awesome is that? 4ft devoured it and the rice, making snorting little piggy sounds and saying how delicious it was (I may or may not be making up the little piggy sounds). Bear tried a bite and didn't spit it out, so that's a win but Grumpers couldn't even bother to come to the table cuz I'd mistakenly given him a snack earlier and he was "too busy" to eat dinner. His loss. More for me. (and this is where we all laugh hysterically because I seriously can eat only about 2 oz of meat at any given time still.)

Spice Rubbed Steak

When I do a spice rub, I do a spice rub. My philosophy is the more flavor the better which might hurt some meat purists out there but if I wanted to taste steak without flavor I'd just chew on a cow in the pasture, you know? Put on the spice I say. Doesn't taste like meat? Who cares, it's delicious. (I might be over exaggerating a bit... or a lot. It still tastes like steak to me.)

This steak is so juicy and flavorful that I, who love me some A-1 sauce in abundance, ate it without it. Yes, you read that right. No wet condiment to help wash it down because I can't drink while eating. It didn't need it. It was so good even Grumpers and Bear ate it, and they don't usually eat meat ever unless it's from McDonalds (don't even get me started.) Okay, so they only had a couple bites of it, but that's a couple bites more than I can usually get in them. 

Protein Kodiak Waffles

This stuff is A-MAZ-ING! It's made with 100% whole wheat and oats and it uses honey instead of sugar. And there isn't a never ending list of ingredients I've never heard of before.

The mix already had some protein in it, 7 grams per serving, but I knew I could squeeze in more protein. So I did:

These waffles were amazing. They were light and fluffy with a delicious crunchy "skin". Their flavor was delicious without the syrup and dipped in a little sugar-free caramel syrup, they tasted like dessert. The extremely picky husband had no idea they were good for him and glared at me when I told him he was eating something healthy. He has a reputation of eating unhealthy to maintain, don't you know? 4ft devoured his as well. I think they're my new favorite waffle as well, especially on the mornings when we're busy and I don't have time for "from scratch" protein waffles.

Easy French Dip

My Epic came over the other day (she had the sleeve surgery as well in January -- on Grumpers birthday to be exact) and started regaling me with tales of delicious french dip meals without the bread. I love french dips so I asked her for the recipe. She looked at me like I was insane (it's a look I get from her and other's a lot come to think of it -- I'm not sure why) and then said all she does is makes a packet of au jus gravy (did anyone else know about this magical packet? I'd never heard of it before but sure enough it's there in the packet aisle of your local supermarket) and pours it over deli counter roast beef and then eats it. Genius. It doesn't get much more moist, meaty, or easier to swallow and digest than a good slice of lunch meat in gravy. 

I decided to implement her genius idea. Since I'm further along in the process and don't have anymore dietary restrictions -- other than if it hurts don't eat it, dummy -- I made a sandwich. Can I just say how much I love sandwich thins and the fact I can eat them pain free? Cuz I do. I love them. This was heaven on a plate. It went down so smooth with dipping in the au jus, I didn't miss my drink. How awesome is that? I could only eat about 3/4 of it, it's really filling, but it was worth every scrumptious bite.

Dirty Chicken

Welcome to Day 3 of Use-Up-the-Beer-A-Palooza. 

There is a restaurant in the Bay Area that has a "Dirty Shrimp" dish. As near as I can tell its a bunch of seasoning cooked onto the shrimp and then doused in beer. It's really good. However, as anyone who follows this blog regularly knows, my family is picky and they won't eat fish. I tried to convince them shrimp wasn't fish but they didn't buy it. So as with the scampi, I figured if it is good on shrimp it'd have to be good on chicken, right? Right. The chicken turned out delicious. It has a bit of a kick but not too spicy as 4ft and I ate it no problem.

Egg Sandwich

Last night, 4ft (my nine-year-old) had his Blue and Gold celebration for Cub Scouts. So after serving up a ton of food, our den was in charge of putting it on, and partying the night away scout style, I was too tired this morning and didn't want to hassle with putting together waffles. So I raided the fridge and threw together this one skillet, no fuss, egg sandwich breakfast.

Finally! Bread! I was able to eat bread without it hurting. Okay so it's the sandwich thins and when you toast them they really dry out (which is probably why I could eat it) but to be able to pick up a sandwich and eat it was a marvelous thing. Of course, I couldn't finish the sandwich. I ended up eating about 3/4 of it and then finishing just the egg and bacon out of the center (for the protein). It was seriously delicious and I was totally bummed I had to stop eating.

Sweet Beer Marinated Steak

99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer... Okay, so it's actually only one bottle, but that boy sure does stretch when you only use a 1/2 cup at a time. So here is day two of using it up so it's not wasted. 

This marinade is great for when you don't have access to a barbecue or don't want to brave the elements. It infuses the meat with a deep smokey flavor that when you sear and bake the steak, it makes it taste like you just pulled it off the grill. The nutritional numbers are a little higher for this recipe -- keep in mind the marinade is discarded for this recipe and I'm not exactly sure how much sticks to the meat so I put the full numbers up and then told you how much was marinade. Hopefully it's not too confusing.

Drunk Honey Chicken

I don't know if you've noticed but all of my recipes have been using bite-sized pieces or strips of meat and they're all cooked in a sauce. There is a reason for that -- I can' t drink while I eat. There isn't enough room in my tummy to handle a beverage as well as get my protein needs fulfilled during a meal and food that is tender and saucy goes down so much better when you can't have a drink to wash it all down. I also like the smaller chunks of meat because it cooks quicker (and when you have three kids whining at you about how hungry they are and a two-year-old pulling at your apron strings wanting you to hold her and cuddle, you can't be chained to the stove for hours on end), you get more flavor on each bite (and when you can only eat a handful of bites that's seriously important), and the meat is more tender. So it's a win, win, win. 

Speaking of win, this recipe is a total winner (great segue, right?). If you're worried about it tasting boozy or like beer, don't. I dislike beer a lot (like loathe it with the fire of a thousand suns, seriously) but it brings a nice flavor to the honey and other flavorings. If you're adamant about being anti-beer and would rather not buy a bottle to throw most of it away (or you can do what I do and do a bunch of recipes in a row that use beer so you aren't wasting it -- welcome to this week of recipes) then just substitute more chicken broth for the beer. It'll still be good just not as good. Trust me on this. Be brave. Be bold. Try it with the beer. You won't be disappointed.

Caramel Apple Crisp

I was perusing Facebook the other day and a friend of mine posted a picture of some individual apple pies that she'd baked -- they looked seriously delicious. Added to that, I got a produce box with a bunch of apples in it so I decided to try my hand at coming up with an apple crisp recipe. I like apple crisp better than pie. Several tries later: this stuff turned out awesome. It was great by itself but would seriously be good topped with protein ice cream or as the topping of a protein waffle.

To healthy it up a little, I used unsweetened applesauce with some butter extract instead of butter. It gave the caramel the buttery flavor I was looking for as well as giving the sauce a thicker consistency without having to use flour. I also used Kashi Protein Go Lean Crisp cereal as the topping to add some protein into the dish without messing up the consistency of the apple deliciousness underneath. Any granola or cereal topping of your choice would work but the nutritional info listed is for the one I used.

Chicken Scampi

One of my favorite dishes when I go out to eat is shrimp scampi -- I love me some butter and garlic and shrimp. However it's got a ton of fat in it (which is probably why it tastes so good) and I don't go out to eat a lot anymore. It's a waste of money because I can only eat a small portion of my plate and I have a two-year-old Bear. So I figured I could make it at home and make it a little healthier. Then I started looking around at my family of picky eaters and none of them like shrimp and it seemed ridiculous to make a dinner that I was only going to be able to eat a little bit of. So I thought, "Why not chicken (cluck cluck)? They like chicken." And thus this recipe was born.

I think it would also work amazing with shrimp if you're not surrounded by that which are picky eaters.

Waffle Sundae (w/ Protein Ice Cream Recipe)

Waffle Sundae w/ Fried Bananas and English Toffee Protein Ice Cream

Are you drooling yet? You should be. I had this for breakfast. Yeah, it rocks to be me. 

The best thing: I gave this to 4ft for breakfast and he looked at me in disbelief and said, "Mom, this is ice cream! I can have ice cream for breakfast? Wait! Forget I asked."

"Why?"

"I don't want you to change your mind!" And he immediately started shoveling it in. 

After his plate was clean, he declared me the best mom ever (hey, I'll take it) and the best "baker" (it's never cook it's always baker -- apparently my kid thinks everything comes out of the oven?).